If Nothing Ever Changed...

I have heard that the only thing you can count on is change.  I don't know why I have such a hard time accepting it when it comes...it's not like it has never happened to us.  Perhaps it is because life is so busy that when change comes, it's usually just about the time I am catching my breath.  Sometimes change is like being pushed back underwater and sometimes it comes as a refreshing morning in the Idaho mountains.  Whichever way it comes, I am working to not be resistant to change but to rather embrace it with my whole heart and enjoy it.  Easier said than done. 

2014 will be a year of change for the Barrus family.  I am excited and petrified all at the same time.  Some changes I can share with you and some we are waiting on the Lord to guide us through before we share them.  And no mom, I am not pregnant :)  Just getting that out of the way...

So what is in store for 2014??  

• Ben is preparing to take the CPA exam this year.  We will miss our daddy while he is studying but it will be an amazing blessing to our family once it is completed.  For those of you that are not familiar with the CPA exam, it has a low pass rate for first time takers and will require hours upon hours of preparation.  It is broken in to four sections and he must pass all four to become certified.  His company graciously agreed to cover a portion of the cost for the materials and testing (which is very expensive) and over the next 12 to 18 months, Ben's head will be floating in tax code, auditing, and Sarbanes-Oxley.  My head hurts just thinking about it...GO BEN!

• Very soon we will have two teenage drivers.  I feel like Mel Gibson in Braveheart -- "FREEEEEDDDDOOOOOOMMMM".  Well, not really.  I'm sure I'll be a mess when they are out and about on the road.  But, I can say that I will be happy to have an errand driver, a taxi to and from school, cheer, and practices.  Oh boy howdy, think of how much time I'll have on my hands?!!  When you multiply that by a crew of busy kids, you can imagine that I spend a lot of time in the car. 

• I start a new job today.  Since September, we have limped along waiting for the Lord to show us what He wanted me to do.  It was a hard time...I have never NOT had a job in our entire marriage.  But it was a good time, too.  I took time to focus, rest, breath, hug my babies, and just be a mom.  It was splendidly horrific.  I am so grateful that I waited for the right position and timing.  Oh GOD IS GOOD!!  And so smart...

There are more changes coming, but for now these three are keeping us very busy and grateful.  We are well, afloat, and embracing change wholeheartedly.  

"Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." Joshua 1:9

Seasons...part 2

I cannot WAIT for summer -- kids home, swimming, sunshine, camping....FUN!!  If we can just survive the last few weeks of school and the final push for homework, choir concerts, football, baseball, and the rest of this school season to end...I'll be a happy camper if we are all in one piece and I'm not curled up in the fetal position in my closet sucking my thumb.

On Monday, I struck the doctor appointment lottery and was able to schedule an appointment with the BEST pediatric orthopedist in town...seriously.  I was screaming for joy in my car I was so happy.  He had been out of town for a week and was booked three weeks out already but somehow that magic computer and brilliant scheduler managed to find a spot just for us.  Even she remarked how she couldn't understand how that had happened.  I knew exactly -- GOD happened.  WOOT WOOT!!

Below is the image of little Ben's tibia.  If you look at the right hand side just below the joint you can see the large egg shaped growth.  The good news is that the doctor isn't jumping up and down out of concern and he doesn't think we need to do anything with it at the moment.  Instead, he wants to check it in a couple of months to see if it has grown.  If it has, then we will need to do something -- biopsy, more tests, etc..  If it hasn't, then we just continue to monitor it.  All in all, I definitely feel better.  Moving on to a different season...

This week, is Boden's cardiology exam.  He will see a pediatric heart specialist on Wednesday and have an echocardiogram.  He is still losing weight...still struggling with stamina.  We were out playing in the sprinklers yesterday and holy crumbs that kid is a toothpick.  Still wearing his trunks from last year and they are now baggy :/  This season scares me too.  We are down nearly 6 pounds in a year.  This shouldn't happen in an otherwise healthy 11 year old boy.  Praying for answers, wisdom, patience, and comfort for me and for sweet Boden.

In other news....
*  Mother's Day...not so hot.  But grateful I am a mom to my beautiful children - I am blessed beyond belief.
*  Little Ben tried to light the grill yesterday for dinner and ended up burning his hands, lips, and a few eyebrow hairs and eyelashes.  COULD have been so much worse and again...GOD IS GOOD!! (Enjoy the pic at the end)
*  I took my beautiful daughter cheer bow shopping...I get to do fun things like that now.  I've waited 15 years to be able to do it and oh.so.fun!
*  Little Ben and Bria had their final concert for Mustang Magic.  One more to go for Cantus and Bria was selected for a solo.  So proud...last night she said, "I realized now I have to actually sing...by myself....in front of people....lots of people."  I just had to wonder what she was thinking when she tried out for a SOLO!  Silly pickle.
*  We got a sweet new pet to add to our collection -- his name is Chip and he's a robo hamster.  CUTE CUTE CUTE.  One more thing to join the circus!
*  I'm headed to Utah this weekend for training at Let's Play Music and might need to stop at this wonderful placed called IKEA.  Just sayin'

"Life by the Yard is Hard"

The last 60 days have been grueling.  Well, to be honest the stress for me started on New Year's Eve of last year when we received the first "notice" on the front door of our rental home.  Inside...I freaked out.  How could this happen to us when we were paying on time?  Where was our family going to go?  Would we have to go?  When would we have to go?  And, every time another letter was hung on the door or someone stopped to take photos or do a check to see if someone was living in the house, I freaked.  It was hard not to.  I had no control over what was happening, even though our family lived there.  My husband, who is my rock, was steady.  He was patient.  He listened and reassured.  I still freaked.

This morning, this quote by President Monson struck me:

“Life by the yard is hard; by the inch it’s a cinch. Decisions Determine Destiny.” 

In the last 60 days, we have moved, traveled, and adopted.  Phew.  I am exhausted just writing that sentence.  Change has been hard.  It has felt like a marathon that just wouldn't end.  It wasn't a completely unexpected move because we had sensed that there was trouble with the bank for almost a year.  But unexpected to move in them middle of November.  But through it all, when we let the Lord handle things by the yards and we focused on the inches, things have worked out beautifully -- a new home for a great deal and two beautiful new children.

That doesn't mean that change is easy.  Leaving our church family is HARD.  Moving is HARD.  Unpacking is HARD.  Making new friends is HARD.  Did I mention that moving is HARD??   Keeping a preschool open while moving is HARD.  Making friends with new neighbors who have been traumatized by large Mormon families (lol) as their neighbors is HARD.  Working with Health and Welfare through our adoption is HARD.  Knowing that BK is struggling and not wanting help from his family is HARD.  And yet through it all, I've been at peace knowing that the Lord is handling all of the big stuff.  He's cool like that :)

Why do we insist on living by the yard?  Why do we insist in knowing what is better for us even though we can't see the full road ahead?  I can only speak for myself, but I am fiercely independent and want to be self-sufficient.  The last 6 years have required us to put all of our trust in Heavenly Father for providence.  We had to humble ourselves through lost jobs, failed businesses, loans that needed repaid, medical bills, more medical bills, the passing of mark, more medical bills, job changes, 4 moves...and yet through it all He could see the road ahead while we trudged along.  He could see the cliffs, pitfalls, 90 degree turns, and the end.  But I still insisted in driving the car!

It's something I'm learning to change -- I need to be more like my husband -- steady, patient, and not freaking out when things are out of my control.  (Note...I don't literally freak out....but I do freak out on the inside and lose sleep, hair, and a whole lot of years off of my life just to be clear :) )

These experiences, even with how HARD they have been, have strengthened my faith in the Lord.  That I need to let Him lead my life and quit trying to drive.  That I need to focus on the inches instead of the yards.  And that I need to continue trusting in my awesome, spectacular and fabulous husband.