"Earning your Sleep"

A long time ago, I heard an elderly woman speak about "earning your sleep" as a wife and mother.  At the time, I thought I was earning my sleep with our crazy, busy life -- I had a large client base in my political consulting business, a large family to care for, I was attending college full-time, and I was serving on several non-profit boards, starting a charter school, and had a church calling.  I was definitely earning my sleep.

But....

I have had the amazing opportunity to correspond a few times with Allison Kimball from Simple Inspiration.  I want to be her when I grow up...seriously.  She is so eloquent, brilliant, talented, funny, intelligent, crafty....did I mention talented?  But there is something more to her that I admire above everything else.  She is incredibly grounded.   She posted a simple blog post the other day that really made me think, analyze, pray, ponder, and act upon what I was doing in my life to "earn my sleep".

"We can ask ourselves, “Am I committing my time and energies to the things that matter most?” There are so many good things to do, but we can’t do all of them. Our Heavenly Father is most pleased when we sacrifice something good for something far greater with an eternal perspective." ~ Dieter F. Uchtdorf

 I definitely earned my sleep today -- I worked a full day, coordinated a football dinner for 70 people, made 15 pounds of spaghetti, two crockpots of homemade sauce, two cookie sheets of brownies and sugar cookie bars, and a bazillion pounds of laundry all while wrangling two toddlers, teaching piano lessons, and a conference call.  Please, don't be jealous...I have poor boundary skills :)

But that isn't where this quote smacked me upside the head and made me smile and say a silent prayer of thanks.  It came as I was loading the dishwasher for the third time today -- yes, I said third but who's counting -- and somewhat lamenting that my large family of boys couldn't manage to load it atleast 1 time.  Okay...I was more than lamenting.  I was grousing, grumpy, and a little bit, a lot disappointed that I was standing at the sink again.

And then there was Allison's blog post...feeding my family, serving my family, loving my family....that's exactly what matters most.  Sure they could do more (I'll make them pay me back later), but I am privileged to be their mom, divinely chosen to raise this herd of Strippling Warriors.  And I am more than grateful that I had the time, energy, and skills necessary to get everything accomplished today.  Phew....I think I earned my sleep tonight AND I did it doing things that matter most for my family.

Be sure to check out Allison's blog for more inspiration -- it was just what I needed to remember today.  (And thanks for the perfectly timed email today, Allison.  So needed to hear your wise words :)  )

My boys :)

Structure and Reality

What do you get when you combine a Type A personality, a dash of OCD, a large family, and a long list of responsibilities??  A mama with patches of hair missing from where she pulls it out frequently.  I wish I could just squash that part of my persona that makes me clean, organize, and freak out when things aren't as orderly as I would like them.  It's a love-hate relationship with that part of me.  Seriously....

Today officially marks the end of summer.  The older kids are back in school and today it is just me and the littles.  Today, I am relishing in the idea of summer chaos aligning in to the sweetness of order.  I have that tendency.  Give me five minutes and I'm going to be in a full blown panic attack about everything I need to get done.  

This was a hard summer for me...I'm not going to lie.  I had seen the dates on paper and knew about the expectations for my job as State FFA Coordinator.  But it's always more complex in reality.  I spent a great deal of the summer traveling and working with six beautiful young people...but that also meant I spent a great deal of time away from the five beautiful people who live in my house.  There was still laundry that needed done, a garage that needed cleaned, and babies that needed potty training.   It was brutal and yet I loved every minute with the state officer team.  Throw in a case of mono and then lumps in Bauer's lymph nodes that won't go away, a week of jury duty, and getting ready for the school year and I'm just about at the end of my rope. 

So today is both a sad and happy day.  Sad because I missed out on summer with my children (I'm planning better for next year) and happy because I get to feed my OCD Type A personality with structure and to-do lists.  There are many happy, amazing, and fun adventures coming up -- football season, meeting Bria and Derek, Cantus, and more.  I'm going to try and take today and breath deep as I unbury ourselves from the summer months of travel.  Welcome back structure and reality....I've missed you.  

And here's a little ditty to motivate you today -- I LOVE this song! It's been a summer favorite :)  Enjoy...

Hard Things...

Why?  Why does God ask us to do hard things?  I'm comfortable with where my life is headed.  We've made it through some pretty rough seas, big storms and fires that seemed endless in the last five years.  I'd be content just sitting back and catching my breath.  God, however, has other plans.  He asks  us to do hard things because He needs us and His timing is perfect, even though I don't want to admit it.

Adoption has blessed our family incredibly.  We have two beautiful sons who weren't born in our family, but born in our hearts.  They went through hard things before they joined our family and our family experienced hard things as we grew together.  Having emerged on the other side of those hard things, I've seen the impact  adoption has had on our family -- the good and the bad.  And one thing is for certain -- there is never a time that God's hand was not at work in our home.  Healing and blessing, pushing and pulling, and sometimes even carrying one or all of through.  

So imagine my surprise when a friend called me a couple of months ago and told me I needed to check out Idaho's Wednesday Child, where profiles of adoptable children are posted.  I laughed her comment off...after all, I've been on the site a dozen times and looked at children.  They are cute and lovable and I would adopt a million if I could.  As the page loaded and the picture loaded, there was no way I could deny that I was looking in to the faces of my children....my children.  God was telling me to do a hard thing -- open my heart again to rejection, frustration, and potential loss in return for the eternal blessing of having these two beautiful children be a part of our family.  

I was stunned...I am still stunned.  I am humbled....I am grateful....I am scared.  And in just 12 days, we will will have the opportunity to meet our children face-to-face and embrace them.   And even then, there is a risk that they won't come home with us.  That they may go to another home...in the world of foster-adoption, that is just a risk.  But it is a risk I'm willing to take because God is asking me to.  I will trust Him to bring us through this hard thing and I will enjoy every moment and savor every blessing.

Thomas S. Monson has taught:

“Whatever our calling, regardless of our fears or anxieties, let us pray and then go and do, remembering the words of the Master, even the Lord Jesus Christ, who promised, ‘I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.’”

“We can strengthen one another; we have the capacity to notice the unnoticed. When we have eyes that see, ears that hear, and hearts that know and feel, we can reach out and rescue those for whom we have responsibility.”

“None of us lives alone—in our city, our nation, or our world. There is no dividing line between our prosperity and our neighbor’s poverty.”

“There are feet to steady, hands to grasp, minds to encourage, hearts to inspire, and souls to save.”

“Perhaps when we face our Maker, we will not be asked, ‘How many positions did you hold,’ but rather, ‘How many people did you help?’”

“As we go about our daily lives, we discover countless opportunities to follow the example of the Savior. When our hearts are in tune with His teachings, we discover the unmistakable nearness of His divine help. It is almost as though we are on the Lord’s errand; and we then discover that, when we are on the Lord’s errand, we are entitled to the Lord’s help.”

“By learning of Him, by believing in Him, by following Him, there is the capacity to become like Him. [Our] countenance can change; [our] heart can be softened; [our] step can be quickened; [our] outlook enhanced. Life becomes what it should become.”

So, you are probably wondering WHY is this a hard thing?  There are a lot of reasons...some more deeply personal and matters of the heart, while others are more practical.  Here are just a few that I have taken to the Lord.

1. What if they can't bond with us?  We have experienced RAD and we know how hard it is to love someone from afar who can't reciprocate that same kind of love back.   We already love them no matter what and we understand that they will need time to feel the same way.  
2. How can we afford two more people in our household -- more clothes, more food, more water, moer power, everything.  Kids are expensive and we want them to experience so many things and those things...they cost money.  
3. Space...oh boy....space.  We will make it work and we'll be happy about it because this home is exactly where God wants us right now.  I have no idea why...but He hasn't opened anything else since we've been looking.  That's both a relief and a pain all at the same time (but that's another post for another time). 
4. Teenage girls are a lot of work...especially those that need to bond with you at the same time they are supposed to hate your guts.  (Just ask Kristi and Kim)
5. What if they don't ever come back?  My mother heart aches when I think about my older "kids".  Some are learning things the hard way.  Some are in situations that require me to be distant so they don't get hurt.  Some don't recognize the unconditional love I have for them, despite the fact that I didn't "have them" like my biological children.  
6. What if we aren't selected?  The Sunday School answer "God has something else in mind for you" won't heal my broken heart.  I tried to relate this to my good friend Sara last week.  If we aren't selected, in many ways it will be like having a still born baby.  I know I will grieve...that loss scares me.  

And so, I am trusting.  I am humbled.  I am honored.  And, I am scared.  Hard things are just that...hard. 

I would LOVE to hear about the hard things you have walked through or are currently walking through.  What have you done to help survive them?  What have you enjoyed most or least?  What have your hard places taught you?  Comment below.  :)