Hard Things...

Why?  Why does God ask us to do hard things?  I'm comfortable with where my life is headed.  We've made it through some pretty rough seas, big storms and fires that seemed endless in the last five years.  I'd be content just sitting back and catching my breath.  God, however, has other plans.  He asks  us to do hard things because He needs us and His timing is perfect, even though I don't want to admit it.

Adoption has blessed our family incredibly.  We have two beautiful sons who weren't born in our family, but born in our hearts.  They went through hard things before they joined our family and our family experienced hard things as we grew together.  Having emerged on the other side of those hard things, I've seen the impact  adoption has had on our family -- the good and the bad.  And one thing is for certain -- there is never a time that God's hand was not at work in our home.  Healing and blessing, pushing and pulling, and sometimes even carrying one or all of through.  

So imagine my surprise when a friend called me a couple of months ago and told me I needed to check out Idaho's Wednesday Child, where profiles of adoptable children are posted.  I laughed her comment off...after all, I've been on the site a dozen times and looked at children.  They are cute and lovable and I would adopt a million if I could.  As the page loaded and the picture loaded, there was no way I could deny that I was looking in to the faces of my children....my children.  God was telling me to do a hard thing -- open my heart again to rejection, frustration, and potential loss in return for the eternal blessing of having these two beautiful children be a part of our family.  

I was stunned...I am still stunned.  I am humbled....I am grateful....I am scared.  And in just 12 days, we will will have the opportunity to meet our children face-to-face and embrace them.   And even then, there is a risk that they won't come home with us.  That they may go to another home...in the world of foster-adoption, that is just a risk.  But it is a risk I'm willing to take because God is asking me to.  I will trust Him to bring us through this hard thing and I will enjoy every moment and savor every blessing.

Thomas S. Monson has taught:

“Whatever our calling, regardless of our fears or anxieties, let us pray and then go and do, remembering the words of the Master, even the Lord Jesus Christ, who promised, ‘I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.’”

“We can strengthen one another; we have the capacity to notice the unnoticed. When we have eyes that see, ears that hear, and hearts that know and feel, we can reach out and rescue those for whom we have responsibility.”

“None of us lives alone—in our city, our nation, or our world. There is no dividing line between our prosperity and our neighbor’s poverty.”

“There are feet to steady, hands to grasp, minds to encourage, hearts to inspire, and souls to save.”

“Perhaps when we face our Maker, we will not be asked, ‘How many positions did you hold,’ but rather, ‘How many people did you help?’”

“As we go about our daily lives, we discover countless opportunities to follow the example of the Savior. When our hearts are in tune with His teachings, we discover the unmistakable nearness of His divine help. It is almost as though we are on the Lord’s errand; and we then discover that, when we are on the Lord’s errand, we are entitled to the Lord’s help.”

“By learning of Him, by believing in Him, by following Him, there is the capacity to become like Him. [Our] countenance can change; [our] heart can be softened; [our] step can be quickened; [our] outlook enhanced. Life becomes what it should become.”

So, you are probably wondering WHY is this a hard thing?  There are a lot of reasons...some more deeply personal and matters of the heart, while others are more practical.  Here are just a few that I have taken to the Lord.

1. What if they can't bond with us?  We have experienced RAD and we know how hard it is to love someone from afar who can't reciprocate that same kind of love back.   We already love them no matter what and we understand that they will need time to feel the same way.  
2. How can we afford two more people in our household -- more clothes, more food, more water, moer power, everything.  Kids are expensive and we want them to experience so many things and those things...they cost money.  
3. Space...oh boy....space.  We will make it work and we'll be happy about it because this home is exactly where God wants us right now.  I have no idea why...but He hasn't opened anything else since we've been looking.  That's both a relief and a pain all at the same time (but that's another post for another time). 
4. Teenage girls are a lot of work...especially those that need to bond with you at the same time they are supposed to hate your guts.  (Just ask Kristi and Kim)
5. What if they don't ever come back?  My mother heart aches when I think about my older "kids".  Some are learning things the hard way.  Some are in situations that require me to be distant so they don't get hurt.  Some don't recognize the unconditional love I have for them, despite the fact that I didn't "have them" like my biological children.  
6. What if we aren't selected?  The Sunday School answer "God has something else in mind for you" won't heal my broken heart.  I tried to relate this to my good friend Sara last week.  If we aren't selected, in many ways it will be like having a still born baby.  I know I will grieve...that loss scares me.  

And so, I am trusting.  I am humbled.  I am honored.  And, I am scared.  Hard things are just that...hard. 

I would LOVE to hear about the hard things you have walked through or are currently walking through.  What have you done to help survive them?  What have you enjoyed most or least?  What have your hard places taught you?  Comment below.  :)