The Call...Finally!

On Friday, we finally received word that the kids were coming for Christmas!  YEAH!!  5 long months of prayer, paperwork, more prayer, lots of phone calls, and a few bureaucratic mountains and they are finally going to be in their own beds for the holidays!  I'm still pinching myself...EEK!  

That also means that things just got real.  Today (Tuesday), I was able to spend some time on the phone with one of the children's agency workers who knows the children well.  My excitement quickly turned in to anxiety as we were finally also able to identify what the kids have.  Or in this case, mostly what they don't have.  They have no Christmas presents for them, no winter coats, no hats, no gloves...pretty much nothing.  Most of their clothes are too small and made for the warm desert climate of Nevada.  Argg...it is definitely part of being in the system (which is another post for another day...  With the kids arriving on Friday, we have much to do.)  

So...We need your help!  We need you to go through your closets, your attic, or your garage and see if you have some of these things that you are no longer using -- I guarantee that there are 6 beautiful kiddos who would be so grateful.  Please take a look at the list below and if you have gently used items that you would like to part with, please let us know.  Again, THANK YOU...to the moon and back again!

Seasons

Our life seems to be ruled by "seasons" -- football season, volleyball season, FFA season.  April and May were more brutal than normal.  Felt like all of the forces of nature had turned to make life more complicated, more stressful, more abnormal.  People rallied, I prayed, and we all survived.  I took a deep breath for the first time in months last week.  It felt good -- I caught up on laundry, celebrated Bria's selection as a cheerleader, and was looking forward to our final volleyball tournament of the year.         The end of another "season".

And now, today has been met with mixed emotions.  Relaxation (it's Sunday after all), fear, some tears, deep love, and more prayer.  We are entering another "season".  It isn't the one that I expected and I have to admit, it's a bit scary.  And yet I find myself thinking about faith and small blessings.  I find myself hoping that this season is short and that whatever storms will be coming as part of it will be minimal.

Earlier this week, BJ finished volleyball and was regretting not playing Spring football.  He decided to call his coach and see if he could play for the remainder of the season and was disappointed when the coach told him that the season was actually coming to a close and he wouldn't be able to play.

The next morning, Coach Dan called back to say that after thinking about BJ's call and calling the league, he had found a team that was in need of some additional players to finish out the season.  We immediately answered yes.  A practice and a half later, BJ had his first game on Saturday.  Neither Ben nor I could attend because we were coaching our volleyball team at the AAU Super Regionals.  In between games, Ben picked him up and when he walked in to the gym, he was limping.  One look at his knee, and you could tell that there was something wrong.

Football can be rather brutal.  I've watched him get sacked by boys twice his size and bounce back up.  I've watched him hit others at a full run and knock them over.  He loves it & I tolerate it because he loves it.  Such is the plight of a mother of boys... :)

Turns out, he took a helmet to the side of his knee...in the 1st quarter of the game.  And, to his credit, he continued to play another 30 plus minutes on both sides of the ball on this knee.  I'm watching him sleep now -- leg up on pillows and an ice pack -- and I can't even imagine the adrenaline a person would need to keep playing on it.  The one thing he wanted me to tell Coach Dan last night..."I didn't quit".

We won't know the full extent of the injury until we see the orthopedist tomorrow.  There's a little spot on the film that looks wonky, but there's no fracture in the knee itself (which is good news). There is a possibility that his MCL (the tendon that runs from femur to tibia and keeps things together) tore and in that process broke off a little piece of bone.  But the season I am talking about is actually not the recovery time it will take for him to be back on the field.

Friends, we need your prayers.  Your positive energy.  Your good thoughts.

The X-ray revealed more than just the knee injury.  It also revealed a tumor in his right Tibia -- about the size of golf ball.

The word tumor has been turned over and over and over in our heads today and throughout the night.  This afternoon I held our beautiful 14 year old son as he cried, scared of what the possible outcomes might be and trying to take comfort in the hope for a positive one.  This season has the potential to be ugly, filled with rain and snow and hail and trying winds.  And yet, it could be a benign tumor.  It's not necessarily cancerous and I keep reminding myself of that.  We do know two things -- it's not a cyst and we need to have an orthopedist look at it.  As I explained to BJ today that we "shouldn't borrow trouble", I found myself wishing I was as wise as the words coming out of my mouth to reassure him.

As I sit in the sunlight of my bedroom thinking about God's goodness, I am going to beat back fear and anxiety.  I am going to pray for wise doctors, offer thanks for modern technology, and marvel in the beauty of this season, even if I find it hard to find.

"Life by the Yard is Hard"

The last 60 days have been grueling.  Well, to be honest the stress for me started on New Year's Eve of last year when we received the first "notice" on the front door of our rental home.  Inside...I freaked out.  How could this happen to us when we were paying on time?  Where was our family going to go?  Would we have to go?  When would we have to go?  And, every time another letter was hung on the door or someone stopped to take photos or do a check to see if someone was living in the house, I freaked.  It was hard not to.  I had no control over what was happening, even though our family lived there.  My husband, who is my rock, was steady.  He was patient.  He listened and reassured.  I still freaked.

This morning, this quote by President Monson struck me:

“Life by the yard is hard; by the inch it’s a cinch. Decisions Determine Destiny.” 

In the last 60 days, we have moved, traveled, and adopted.  Phew.  I am exhausted just writing that sentence.  Change has been hard.  It has felt like a marathon that just wouldn't end.  It wasn't a completely unexpected move because we had sensed that there was trouble with the bank for almost a year.  But unexpected to move in them middle of November.  But through it all, when we let the Lord handle things by the yards and we focused on the inches, things have worked out beautifully -- a new home for a great deal and two beautiful new children.

That doesn't mean that change is easy.  Leaving our church family is HARD.  Moving is HARD.  Unpacking is HARD.  Making new friends is HARD.  Did I mention that moving is HARD??   Keeping a preschool open while moving is HARD.  Making friends with new neighbors who have been traumatized by large Mormon families (lol) as their neighbors is HARD.  Working with Health and Welfare through our adoption is HARD.  Knowing that BK is struggling and not wanting help from his family is HARD.  And yet through it all, I've been at peace knowing that the Lord is handling all of the big stuff.  He's cool like that :)

Why do we insist on living by the yard?  Why do we insist in knowing what is better for us even though we can't see the full road ahead?  I can only speak for myself, but I am fiercely independent and want to be self-sufficient.  The last 6 years have required us to put all of our trust in Heavenly Father for providence.  We had to humble ourselves through lost jobs, failed businesses, loans that needed repaid, medical bills, more medical bills, the passing of mark, more medical bills, job changes, 4 moves...and yet through it all He could see the road ahead while we trudged along.  He could see the cliffs, pitfalls, 90 degree turns, and the end.  But I still insisted in driving the car!

It's something I'm learning to change -- I need to be more like my husband -- steady, patient, and not freaking out when things are out of my control.  (Note...I don't literally freak out....but I do freak out on the inside and lose sleep, hair, and a whole lot of years off of my life just to be clear :) )

These experiences, even with how HARD they have been, have strengthened my faith in the Lord.  That I need to let Him lead my life and quit trying to drive.  That I need to focus on the inches instead of the yards.  And that I need to continue trusting in my awesome, spectacular and fabulous husband.

"Earning your Sleep"

A long time ago, I heard an elderly woman speak about "earning your sleep" as a wife and mother.  At the time, I thought I was earning my sleep with our crazy, busy life -- I had a large client base in my political consulting business, a large family to care for, I was attending college full-time, and I was serving on several non-profit boards, starting a charter school, and had a church calling.  I was definitely earning my sleep.

But....

I have had the amazing opportunity to correspond a few times with Allison Kimball from Simple Inspiration.  I want to be her when I grow up...seriously.  She is so eloquent, brilliant, talented, funny, intelligent, crafty....did I mention talented?  But there is something more to her that I admire above everything else.  She is incredibly grounded.   She posted a simple blog post the other day that really made me think, analyze, pray, ponder, and act upon what I was doing in my life to "earn my sleep".

"We can ask ourselves, “Am I committing my time and energies to the things that matter most?” There are so many good things to do, but we can’t do all of them. Our Heavenly Father is most pleased when we sacrifice something good for something far greater with an eternal perspective." ~ Dieter F. Uchtdorf

 I definitely earned my sleep today -- I worked a full day, coordinated a football dinner for 70 people, made 15 pounds of spaghetti, two crockpots of homemade sauce, two cookie sheets of brownies and sugar cookie bars, and a bazillion pounds of laundry all while wrangling two toddlers, teaching piano lessons, and a conference call.  Please, don't be jealous...I have poor boundary skills :)

But that isn't where this quote smacked me upside the head and made me smile and say a silent prayer of thanks.  It came as I was loading the dishwasher for the third time today -- yes, I said third but who's counting -- and somewhat lamenting that my large family of boys couldn't manage to load it atleast 1 time.  Okay...I was more than lamenting.  I was grousing, grumpy, and a little bit, a lot disappointed that I was standing at the sink again.

And then there was Allison's blog post...feeding my family, serving my family, loving my family....that's exactly what matters most.  Sure they could do more (I'll make them pay me back later), but I am privileged to be their mom, divinely chosen to raise this herd of Strippling Warriors.  And I am more than grateful that I had the time, energy, and skills necessary to get everything accomplished today.  Phew....I think I earned my sleep tonight AND I did it doing things that matter most for my family.

Be sure to check out Allison's blog for more inspiration -- it was just what I needed to remember today.  (And thanks for the perfectly timed email today, Allison.  So needed to hear your wise words :)  )

My boys :)